if you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember this one time in my english class, we were writing horror stories and one of the girls wrote “it was friday the 13th, the night before halloween” for her opening sentence

when a bomb is about to go off in a movie
  • bomb: 0:05
  • five minutes later
  • bomb: 0:04


what if flies said “hey” every time they flew by your ear 



This guy wants to be mad but can’t


the true american experience is wondering if you just heard firecrackers or gunshots